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now how sweet it would have been to have done so and how fondly and tenderly Gertrude would have gone over her early love for me and mine for her. I shed many tears here alone in our room thinking of her and longing for her and can hardly make it seem possible that she is not to return to me. Sara and I talked of her nearly all the time on our ride. I miss her most it seems to me in the morning when I awake for then we used to talk to each other whether the day began in hopefulness or anxiety.

Monday 24. I felt sadder this morning it seems to me than I have at any time before and my tears would fall over the memory of Gertrude as I so vividly recalled her while I was dreaming. I am torn with trouble and doubt. A casual remark by Julia today fell on my soul with crushing weight. She could have had no conception what it was to me and yet it was said in unconsciousness of the reunited connection with me. I have felt particularly bound down all morning and could not talk at breakfast. I bade Sade good bye in the hall not intending to say anything to the rest who were at breakfast, but Lucy came out to bid me good bye and I could only kiss her without saying a word. Pa drove us over the river. Girard came down with me. It was a cold morning and the car was very cold. Have had a dull head ache all day but have worked on Gertrudes portrait and I think it is very like her now. Went to the Council tonight. Loop is going to let me have the picture of Gertrude on Wednesday. Sara sent the report of Gertrudes care to Dr. Hedenberg today. I mailed it here.

Tuesday 25. Snowed. Hall and I who were appointed a committee to see about some new seats for the galleries at the Academy met at Schmidt & Sigels and from there went to Pottier & Stymus' where we were shown round among the magnificent furniture and then went to a place in the Bowery. Booth came in while I was at lunch. He and his wife are coming tomorrow for me to paint on the Macbeth. I rather dread this but still want to do what I can to please him. Joe Tomkins came in. Was feeling very badly. Had had a bad night. I pressed him to stay and when he left felt more cheerful. I feel sorry for him. He is troubled and is not able to bear much [[worry?]]. He is going to start for home tomorrow stopping at Greenfield. Spent the evening at Eastmans. Stedman came to see me today. No answer yet to my letter of last Wednesday, perhaps I ought not to expect one. Received an invitation from Cyrus Field today to attend a reception at his house on Mar. 10" The twenty fifth anniversary of the laying of the Atlantic cable. 

Wednesday 16. A letter from Lucy much troubled at my unhappiness and blaming herself for much of it. Very tender and affectionate and sisterly. I wrote her immediately and begged her not to harbor any such thoughts, that my misery was my own and that I alone am responsible. We had an excitement in the building today. A man painting the ceiling

Transcription Notes:
Pottier & Stymus - a prominent American furniture design firm of the Victorian period