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Vaux called with Miss Crawford and Miss Hayward. I dined at Mr. Deforests with Mr. & Mrs. Church and afterwards we went to the club. I think so constantly of dear Gertrude and suffer so much in my remembrances of her and my longing for her. Life does seem so incomplete and unsatisfactory without her. I cannot help wondering if I shall ever grow accustomed to it.

Sunday Dec. 14" 1879. A most dismal rain all day. Have felt very unhappy all day. Came over to my studio and wrote a short note to Aldrich and one to Mrs. Nicholas Elmendorf. I have had dear Gertrude in my thoughts constantly and I have shed many bitter tears in the agony of my longing for her. I read over some of her letters of twenty years ago. The events seemed of yesterday. She was in N.Y. trying as a candidate for a place in the choir of Mr. Longfellows church, which she received, and I was out at Simpsons. How hard it was for us to be separated there for a little time and yet I live to bear this infinitely wider separation. How I bear it God alone knows. Sometimes it seems to me I cannot bear it and yesterday was one of those sad hopeless days that so often come to me now, when walking on the Earth satisfies me and I think only of my darling who loved me so tenderly and who was all the world to me. I went back home to dinner. Miss Odell was there to dine and I felt more cheerful. Mary and I went to the Academy of Music to hear Rossini's mass by her majesty's Opera Co. We enjoyed it but Cary and Campanini, both advertised, were not there. We heard Lablache and Valeria and Gallassi and Roncio (I think) but the day has been a very sad one to me and I cant help thinking my sorrow impairs my ability to work hard as I try to get away from it by all sorts of entertainment.

Monday 15. Booth came down today bringing the Hamlet and the Iago for me to make some changes in. He had only a little while to stay and I painted on the Hamlet but made it worse than before. Mr. Skinner brought me tickets for the opera of Sonnambula and Mary and I went. Morrison sang delightfully and is a good actor. I thought of dear Gertrude all the time and the lovely airs she used to sing brought tears to my eyes. I had lovely letters from Alice and from Mrs. Sawyer written some time ago which have been at Rondout also a letter from Janette and one from Sade with much about dear Gertrude. They all made me so long for her that I went to bed with my heart full of sorrow.

Tuesday 16. Worked on the Hamlet and rubbed it all out again. I