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the want of faith her intimate friends have in her professional ability. I wrote to her in the afternoon.

Thursday Jan 15. 1880. Booth came again today and I worked on the Petruchio. I shall do no more to them at present but perhaps by and by touch them up a little after they get thoroughly dry. After he went I went to work on my landscape but do not get on well. However I hope to get going soon and to get interested in my work. I am very depressed and today I have thought constantly of dear Gertrude and compared my life without her to the days when I could always turn to her for love and sympathy. I wrote to Alice and received a letter from Tom McEntee telling me of Uncle Philips death and saying that the farm will soon pass into the hands of strangers. Mary told me of her visit to poor Cornelia Ellis who is at the Womans Hospital where she has undergone a painful operation. The world does seem very full of sadness. 

Friday 16. Painted all day on my picture and advanced it considerably. I am so unhappy, lonely and half terrified at some vague terror of the future. I wonder I I ever will be happy again or if I am to wear out my life in sadness. I went up to Eastmans and spent an hour, but I do not get much comfort from any one - that must come from within. I had a letter from Sara. The Swans are going up there today. I regret it for I am going home on Saturday and do not want to visit any strangers there. Mary has been to see Cornelia Ellis and although she feels encouraged she is evidently in a very critical condition. She also saw Joe and was struck by his feeble appearance. 

Monday 19. Went home Saturday afternoon by Wallkill Valley. Sat with Howard Cockburn. Sunday Sara, Marietta Swan and I took a walk out on the [[?]]. It was about as warm as summer and not much snow left. Gustavus and his wife are there for a short visit. Was very sad and despondent but I think my digestion is weak and that I will be better by and by. In the evening Sara and I went down to Johns. I came [[strikethrough]] home [[/strikethrough]] back today by the noon train. Very little ice in the river and the weather very mild as it has been the whole month so far. Platt come down with me and we had a long confidential talk. I feel better and less despondent this evening. Have been to a meeting of the Council. 

Tuesday 20. Rained. Called on Gussie at the Brevart House. Thinks Joe is getting along well. Called on Charlie Coleman and did some errands, looking in at Leavitts Gallery where