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164. 

Tuesday Apl. 6. 1880. A dark day. Went up town to order a suit of clothes and on other errands. Came to my room much depressed and tried to paint. I have done very little. Yewell came in and we had a long talk on life and immortality. He had had a bitter experience but he seems to have a cheerful temperament and can rise above his troubles. I wish I could, but sometimes it seems impossible. Today I have had an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and discouragement. Had a letter from Stedman in which he says much as he would like to it would be impossible for him to write the Booth article. Had a fire in my Franklin for the first time in a long time. Went to our life class in the evening and commenced a new drawing. 

Wednesday 7. Have had a feeling of great despondence today thinking constantly of dear Gertrude. Life seems worthless without her and I have such a sense of loneliness that it is almost insupportable. Every thing brings her to my mind and when I think of her all earthly instincts vanish and I feel that it would be a blessed thing if I could go to her. I saw by a Brooklyn paper that Mr. Sawyer preached in Brooklyn on Sunday but I have not seen him. I hope he will not return without my seeing him. I went to Julia Lily's wedding at the Church at University place and Tenth St. this afternoon. Saw Jake Sharpe and Julia. 

Thursday 8. Sara came down. I have been greatly improved today. I dined with Quincy Ward yesterday at the home of his Mother=in=law Mrs. Valentine. After dinner we went to his room and had a sympathetic and confidential talk, but his brother came in and interrupted what was very interesting in his experience to me. Sara and I went to see Booth in Othello this evening. He was fine but in the more passionate parts I felt a lack of physique. I like him better in his emotional parts. 

Friday 9. Still overwhelmingly depressed. Sara and I went up to the Art Museum and she came back to my room and lunched with me. We talked of dear Gertrude with many tears. To my surprise Sara said that in view of my loneliness she some times thought it best for me to marry again but I told her that now it began to seem to me that I could never think of any one in her place, that at first I did think of it, very strongly almost