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179

condition nor do I wish him to have. 

Sunday May 30. 1880. I am at home this morning. A gentle rain is falling and I have been busying myself unpacking and putting away some of my clothes in which I am constantly in contact with the personal belongings of dear Gertrude. I have been feeling more hopeful and cheerful for several days, but the old sorrow forces itself upon me here where there is so much to remind me of the irreparable loss that has befallen me, but I am striving against it and begin to feel ambitious to go to work and to produce some thing fresh and good. I shall try to make this my aim and If I can only get thoroughly interested I shall be comparatively happy. I have felt that my pictures of the past year were not fresh and new. I have lacked enthusiasm and through that have failed of encouragement. If I can only strike out in a new and vigorous way it will be well for me. I am glad I feel the need of it - I wish I knew just how to go to work to bring it about. Wrote a long letter to Alice and sent her a sketch and description of the stone I am going to put at dear Gertrudes grave.
 
Monday 31. A beautiful day after the rain with fine cloud effects and a rich landscape. Sara and I went over to the cemetery where I set out some petunias on dear Gertrudes grave and we covered it with flowers which we took from my place. This is "Decoration day" and we found people already in the Cemetery arranging flowers at the graves of their friends. There has been a procession today and a general observance of the day but I did not go to the cemetery for the ceremonies. My mother and Sara and Mrs. Davis went. Lily McEntee came up after they left and spent some time with me. I was alone in the house servants and all having gone. I made a little sketch from the porch to try to get some of the beautiful color. The afternoon has been charming. My Mother & Mrs. Davis went up to Kingston this evening to the exercises in Music hall. I have just finished Dumas' "Chevalier D'Armenthal" in French a very interesting story as all his stories are and have commenced "Noblesse Oblige" lent me by Mary. I feel like painting - like learning how to paint better and it gives me new hope.