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over the creek crossing at South Rondout, around by Capt Andersons and home by the river road. the landscape very rich and full, the day cool and delightful and if I had been feeling well I would have enjoyed it more than I did but I was weighed down with an intense melancholy which I seemed unable to free myself. 

Thursday June 3. 1880. Walked out on the Common again. I almost seemed to see darling Gertrude there, and could fancy just how she looked walking there and thinking fondly of me who today grieved for her whom I am never to see more on the earth. Come back to my studio and painted on Mr. Chickerings picture which I advanced. A letter from Brown regrading Mr. Russells offer written before the telegram. Wrote to him and a note to Eastman. 

Friday 4. I took some roses and other flowers from our house over to the cemetery this morning. She loved roses and revealed in their June fullness of beauty. The laurels I put there the other day were faded but the roses Sara and I placed there on Monday were still fresh. Then I walked back of the cemetery and came home by the Common. The landscape was rich and full but its beauty only made me the sadder for I was thinking every moment of dear Gertrude and how the beauty and the charm had gone out of the landscape and out of all things since she was no more. I went to my studio and tried to paint but did but little. I proposed a ride to Sara and after dinner we went by the river road up to Flat=bush and home by the Alms house. I thought every moment of darling Gertrude and we talked of her and cried over our memories of her until it seemed my heart would break. It was a solemn [[?]] day almost like September and the thoughts that struggled in me I could find no expression for. Dear darling, how I miss you - how unspeakably sad life has grown to me and how I pray for some release from its unhappiness, in interest in my art or in any thing that shall take my thoughts from dwelling on her I loved so dearly and whom I cannot but regret whenever her sweet image comes before me.  

Saturday 5. I had my rest disturbed by a violent attack of rheumatism in my hip and today have been very lame and obliged to keep still all day and take Acovite under Sara's direction. I have written a letter in French to Janette Hubbard. Carrie Barker, now Mrs. Ruggles and her husband called here today with Judge Schoonmaker and his