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197

and one from Sara written last Sunday. Alice Haywards sent me a photograph of little "Gertrude MCEntee" ten months old. Downing tells me to my great disappointment that he does not think they have done anything yet about the stone for dear Gertrudes grave when I supposed it must be done. I went over to the cemetery after tea and laid some fresh flowers above her dear head.  

Sunday 18. Went over to the commons after breakfast and took Park with me for a swim in the creek down at McCauslands. Stopped at the cemetery and found the flowers fresh still. Have written to Sara, to Booth and to Alice Ha[[?]]. Called at John McEntees.

Monday 19. Took a walk this morning back of John Rileys and around the cemetery where I stopped and trained the morning glories. Worked a little while on some of my drawings My mother brought a letter from Mr. Bachelder announcing the death of his wife on Friday 16" in Brooklyn. I was very much shocked. I dined with them in June and I thought then and from what he said to me afterwards that she would never be well again. I understood she had a cancer. He sent my letter to the Studio building. The funeral was to take place today and he hoped to see me there but I got the letter just about as they were holding the services. when I last saw him he did not give me his address. I have been thinking of them lately and wished I knew how to find them so that I could write to them. I wrote to him immediately and told him if it would be pleasant to him I would go on to Boston and we would go off somewhere together. This has made me very sad together with other troubles. My father came to my room and told me he was greatly troubled for money. Fortunately I can let him have some but the future is full of trouble which I hardly dare think of. Life offers me very little satisfaction now, nothing but trouble and anxiety.

Tuesday 20. Rainy day. Have been in my studio all day trying to paint an effect of sky I saw a few evenings ago but as usual it does not amount to much. I am really alarmed at my disinclination to paint and my inability to effect any thing when I do try. Artists pass through difficult phases. I wonder if I am or if I have expressed all there is within which is capable of expression in art. A letter from Alice. 

Wednesday 21. Took a walk down to McCauslands and the common to give Park a swim and then went to my studio and painted on the picture I began some time ago. Ma came over bringing "Katy" who used to live with us and her little girl named after Gertrude. Poor Katy bore the marks