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222 Sunday Oct. 10" 1880 Sara and I took a ride out by the Roa-tina to the Flatbush road out to where it crosses over to the Saugerties road near Flatbush church to get some ferns. I found some in those woods. We returned by the crossroad near Aunt Katiners lake. It was a beautiful warm "blue and golden" day and it seemed to both of us we had never seen the color fuller and more splendid. We thought and talked of dear Gertrude, how she loved and enjoyed such days and how she left us nearly about this time. Dear darling, these beautiful lessening autumn days are full of her sweet memory. When I gathered these ferns today I thought of the last time we gathered any which was in the woods out near the Roa-tina and some of which I think I have still. These are the lovely days we used to spend in the mountains with Gifford and the rest of our friends. They were there awaiting us when Gertrude died and they immediately came home. How little they realized then it was the last time Gifford would be there. I have written a long letter to Eastman, one to Whittridge one to Pell and a short one to Mr. Chickening. Monday 11 Received a letter from Butter about my picture from the R.A. which I answered. Made a sketch of the bright red trees beyond the garden, and the distance in the pearly morning light, but did not get much. I dont think it is possible for me to do these things from nature but they are a help to me. Afterwards I took a walk back of O'Reillys and around by the Common. It was as warm as midsummer. This afternoon I tried to paint on my water color but it is a failure. Received a long earnest letter from Weir and one from Janette. It seems as if it would never rain again. The days are golden and cloudless but I long for clouds and rain. I live in an atmosphere of depression which I do not seem able to rise above. Gifford used to say he suffered in this way but that he used his reason and waited patiently to have it pass off. I try hard to do so but cannot do it. Today I picked a tiny rose over at my house in the little flower bed I planted this spring but which on account of the dry weather has been a failure. I thought of dear Gertrude as I picked it and her fondness for these queens of the garden and I took it as tenderly as I imagined she would but its petals fell as I picked it and only a host of them remained. Tuesday 12 I walked down to the Point after breakfast taking Park with me and gave him a good bath. He enjoyed it for more than half an hour for it was as warm as midsummer. Maurice was down there washing the wagons and had little Charlie with him who was greatly entertained with Park
