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work will be wanted. We are full of anxiety here at home and I feel as I have half my life that we are on the edge of disaster. All depends upon what I can do in the near future. I had a momentary dream of dear Gertrude last night, just as several times before, a moment out of our past life and then I awake. O if I could have a long dream of her, which has never been permitted to me yet. In these sorrowful days I think of her constantly, and I try to console myself with the thought that she is spared a share in my unhappiness.

Sunday Nov. 28" 1880. My last day at home and I feel a great sadness at breaking up here and going to town. I do not feel at all hopeful but I try not to be utterly discouraged. It is more a feeling of trying calmly to meet whatever comes. I wrote to Weir.

Monday 29. Calvert and I came down by the noon train. The weather had moderated. I always leave home with sadness even though I hope to go back every week. If I can only have some success it will help me bear the separation from home. After dinner attended a council meeting at the Academy. We passed a resolution requiring all contributors to the Exhibition to send and to remove their works at their own expense. Brown and Huntington had a hot passage at arms regarding opening the Art Museum on Sundays. Huntington is pretty conservative and Brown too belligerent. We staid there until after 11 oclock.

Tuesday 30. This morning I went up to 23" St and bought a ton of coal and then came to my room and opened my boxes and got out my pictures which I put in their frames and now my room looks pretty full of work. I put things away in their places as I have done each year now for twenty four years in this same place and I thought today how many times more would I do this same thing. I feel the changes that have taken place in the last two years and do not look forward to the future with a feeling of the continuance of my life here as I once did. It seems to me now that a slight thing would break up my connection here. With all the name I have made in an honest endeavor to be myself and to follow out my feeling in art I do not feel that I have much hold here and that I should not be much missed except by a few people. I worked a little on my grey picture and improve it and then answered some letters. Mr. Pratts regarding some of Giffords pictures. Mr. Ferris a young man 

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