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Maurice was in the depths again. Troubles come in companies and I think the more we have to bear the better we are prepared to endure. How glad and thankful I was to be at home, knowing too it is a pleasure to my father and mother and to Sara to have me there and it seemed to me if dear Gertrude could reach me in all this earth it would be here. These rolling years touch her no more and she can never grow older. I love to think of that and that I shall one day meet her as she was when I last saw her.

Sunday January 30 1881. The weather continues cold. Just a little above zero this morning. I read some of dear Gertrudes loving letters last night just before I went to bed and hoped I might dream of her, my soul had been so entirely filled with thoughts of her and an unutterable longing for her but I could not. We talked together of Maurices condition this morning and reading an editorial in the Tribune upon a paper by some distinguished authority on this habit we all agreed that there was no other way to meet it but as a disease. Sara went in to see him and has begun to [[?]] for him and we hope he has reached the lowest point. Every four or five weeks he has to go through all this misery. I took a walk with Park over toward the cemetery but the snow was so deep there and the walking so difficult I did not go in. John McEntee & Mannie and Girard and Mary took tea with us yesterday and spent the evening.

Monday 31. Still only three above zero this morning. I took a walk over to the cemetery. The snow was very deep and unbroken about our lot and the silence and the whiteness of the winter slept above my dear Gertrude. My father brought me over the river and I caught the St. Louis train, very late and have just reached here with all the sad lonely feelings that meet me when I return. It is a grey day and looks like snow.

Tuesday Feb. 1st 1881.
It has been a mild day, a snow storm with a high wind from [[N.W.?]]. I went up to 68th St to call on Col. Sanford but he was not in. I walked down as far as 50th St. to see the Vanderbilt and other new houses in fifth avenue and came back by the 6th ave elevated road. Have painted all day on my Academy picture and I think improved it. There was a meeting of the artists in Woods room at which it was voted to hold a reception here on Saturday [[strikethrough]] Jan [[/strikethrough]] Feb. 26 in the afternoon. I dread this very much and yet I could not but acquiesce. Called on Mrs. Gifford this evening. Mary went home yesterday