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256

Sunday Feb. 6" 1881. A bright, beautiful winter day, but full of sadness to me for I am thinking constantly of dear Gertrude whose memory grows dearer and more tender to me as the days go by. I live in another world with her here and wish I could stay here and never have to go back to the great, remorseless, lonesome city. I have just finished reading Adam Bede and am now reading the "Mill on The Floss" They are wonderful books. She knows what it is to suffer and I love to read of those who know how to suffer. What could be more beautiful than this perfect winter day. I need to find such days full of delight while now they come to me with something of rest indeed, but yet full of a longing for something gone out of my life that I shall never know on earth again.

Monday 7. It was a "white" misty morning and the mercury was at zero. I took a walk with Park out back of OReillys. It was almost impossible to walk outside the path and I was very warm when I returned. Sara went up to Mary Waldo's at West Troy to be gone until Thursday. We had a talk about Maurice and she is going to send for Dr. D'Ungers medicine. I left home to take the 12:30 train with a dreadful sense of depression and a feeling of utter inability to successfully meet the demands which seem to press upon me. What would I not have given if I could have stayed there at home, at least for a while. My father brought me over the river on the ice and little Jimmy came along. Church was on the train and we sat together. He looks badly and I do not believe he will live many years. He wanted me to dine with him at the Brevard and to go to see Salvini in Othello. We had poor seats but I was glad to have this opportunity of seeing this famous actor. He is a fine actor, spoke Italian to the English of the rest of the company. Rather too robust for my idea of Othello, but still very fine. Went to bed late and did not sleep more than four hours. As soon as I arrived in town I started to go up to Eastman Johnsons to inquire about Hattie. I met Fitch at the door who told me she was dead and that Eastman and his wife had gone on to Philadelphia to the funeral. She died on Saturday. She will be an immeasurable loss to her husband and her children as well as to Eastman who was very fond of her.

Tuesday 8. Came to my room and painted all day on my Academy picture and I think improved it. I went to the Century this morning and saw a fine picture by Wyant, "an old clearing" very nicely painted. Mr. Gordon bought it for $1500. Called at Mrs. Grays in the evening and returned the photographs sent by Jas. Gifford.

Wednesday 9. Warm and the streets in a dreadful condition. Col. Sanford and his brother called. Vaux came to see my picture He thought it very successful as did Wood and Shattuck who also saw 

Transcription Notes:
. This transcribing is rough due to the scrawling nature of the cursive (I am not very proficient in reading it so please double check the second paragraph's work thoroughly).