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Downing and I walked down together. I hardly slept all night from an overwhelming sense of degradation. I never expected to take money from my friends and it nearly kills me although I know Booth was perfectly willing to let me have it. I lay awake nearly all night in an agony of mental torture thinking how I have had to humiliate myself. I hope not to be obliged to use this money and shall use every means in my power to repay it.

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Wednesday May 3. 1882. Painted on a small picture 9 x 15 I commenced a year or two ago. Geo. Coale called. He finds many changes here and I think life is growing serious to him as it is to me. Mary came in while he was here. The weather remains cool and I have had a fire all day. I dont want it any warmer. Called at Holts this evening but they were engaged. Went over to Eastmans. Saw Mrs. Johnson a little while. He was out. Came home and went to bed and slept well.

Thursday 4. Painted on my second Katatochin and also made a duplicate of the picture of Hussey Hill which I have painted for Calvert to sent to Cuthbert. Miss Halliwell called and I promised to send her my Academy picture and one or two smaller ones. Dined at Pinchots with Booth, Van Wart, Thompson, Whitelaw, Reid, Calvert, Parke Godwin, Eastman Johnson, Du Chaillu and Amos Eno. I was sorry to see E.B. take mine. After dinner Eastman, Booth, [[?]], Du Chaillu and I went to the Century. E.B. took her and we staid late and Thompson and I went home with him. 

Friday 5. Spent the day with Emma Brace at Dobbs Ferry. Mary and I went up by 10.35 train and I took with me the little picture of Pasture I painted for Calvert for her. She seemed greatly pleased with it. It was a rainy day and we could not walk much although we went up to Mr. Villards country place between the showers. Emma reminds one of Gertrude when she was her age in many ways, and so I cannot help liking her very much. Went to the Musical Festival in the evening with Edwina Booth and heard Haydons [[Handel's]] Israel in Egypt with a chorus of 3000 voices. It was very grand and the Great 7" Regiment Armory was filled with a delighted audience.

Saturday 6. Went up to 42" St and bought some paper for Girard. Wrote notices for a meeting of the Artists Mutual Aid Society on Tuesday. Rained and in the midst of it Weir came in. Sorry to find I was going home and evidently felt forlorn. Asked if he could stay at my room tonight which I had arranged for him. We talked a while. I fancy he is pretty troubled as I am. When I went

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