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him there yesterday. I felt most sadly and realized afresh how sorrow comes to us so surely and unexpectedly. Walked out beyond the cemetery to [[Jueds?]] valley. Maurice left in the evening to join the rest of the party in Albany but he had been drinking and so has blasted again all our hopes. I am ready to hear of any account of trouble to him for he has not a particle of control over himself when he has any money. 

Tuesday May 16. 1882 Set out some plants for my mother. She felt very badly and said sadly "I am done with all this" and while I feel the truth of it I tried to cheer her. I feel most sadly here at home because I cant do much and have so much time to brood over all sorrowful things. The weather is cold. Today has been pleasant but the wind is in the north and we still have the fires going

Wednesday 17. Came to N.Y. by the noon train. Found both of my pictures back here from the Academy and am arranging them to send away. Mary had gone up to Alpine for the day and came in just after dinner loaded down with wild flowers and apple blossoms. Called to see Booth. Edwina is sick. Downing was there and a Mr. Mosely. Was on my way up to Mrs. Stones who had invited me to meet Mrs. Julia Ward Howe. Booth could not go on account of Edwina. I dreaded to go but met many friends. Mrs. Youmans, Mrs. Eastman Johnson, Miss Marion Healy, Mrs. Lehane, and many others.

Thursday 18. Went down to Davis in Fulton St. and bought my painting supplies for the summer. Walked all the way back up Broadway. The wind blew from the N.E. and it was cold and rain. Wrote to Mr. Pumpully that I would be ready to go on short notice with him. Am packing up and arranging to leave for home on Saturday. It always depresses me and I have done so poorly this winter that it is particularly gloomy to me now. I think of dear Gertrude in my loneliness and sadness and it seems to me if I were going to meet her at home as I used to I could bear all other disappointments and defeats. Getting my things together to leave I came upon so many objects connected with her and our life here together that my heart is wrung constantly. Sometimes I question the wisdom of going West with Mr. Pumpully but all advise me to go and I hope it may awaken new enthusiasms in me and fit me to work better. Called to see Miss Nesmith and her sister to bid them good bye and spent the evening with them. 

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---------- Reopened for Editing 2023-03-21 17:27:13