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419

Thursday March 1. 1883.
Painted all day on my picture with a greatly discouraged feeling. Julia and Mrs. Donaldson called. Received a letter from Gill asking if he were to send my picture to me for the Academy which in view of a letter I received from him a few days ago telling me it would be here on Friday I considered very strange. I wrote him to send it. Meeting of the Century trustees, lasting until nearly midnight. The plans of the proposed new site were considered. Newtons case was discussed and the Treasurer was instructed to call him to account for gross irregularities in his personal account [[?]]t the club while a member of the house Committee. Came to my room with a greatly depressed feeling which I am apt to have after being with all those men who seem so much more prosperous than I am. There is no mercy or sympathy for non success in these days.

Friday 2. I woke with a headache and have been obliged to spend most of the forenoon lying on my sofa. Felt better in the afternoon and painted on my picture but I am discouraged and spiritually weary and jaded. It would take so little to make me contented and yet that state seems unattainable. Called at the Stoddards. Mrs. S. was not at home but I had a pleasant chat with Dick who I was glad to find had a high idea of Bryants Poetry. He has the advance sheets of Godwins life of Bryant. Thinks Bryants last poem in memory of his wife most beautiful and touching as I do. Those last words "And oh!" as though he stopped there in the presence of an inexpressible grief. From there went to the club where I saw Thompson. He had been drinking after five weeks of abstinence and talked in a wild incoherent and totally unsatisfactory way. There is a man who has plenty of work crowded upon him and yet neglects and wastes his opportunities. I wish I had half his chance.

Saturday 3. A letter from Booth dated Boston Feb. 6 two days after Downing and Julia sailed. He speaks in a kind of despairing and somewhat critical manner of Downing, of his apparent indifference. I think Edwina has grown morbid upon the subject and this is not to be wondered at, and this reacts upon him. A miserable paragraph appeared in the World yesterday taken from a Berlin correspondent of a St. Louis paper in which it is stated that Miss Booths fiance had met with this calamity and that having joined them he had no recollection of the engagement and that it was doubtful if he would ever recover. It troubles Calvert and all of us so that this morning the world looked very dark and sad to me. Painted on my picture, but I am so full of anxieties that I have no heart in my work. Went to the Monthly meeting of the Century instead of going home, as the

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