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had called, I think to get a picture - so that in spite of all my worries I feel quite encouraged. I shall save $400 a year rent in my Studio by giving up my bed room although it will cost me considerable to make the change. Cleveland is elected by a very small majority and now I hope the country will settle down to its business. My father feels pretty well and if I can get to work and can pay my way I will be content. I settled with Tom our hired man today. He has fifteen hundred dollars coming to him for which my father gave his note with interest. I wish I could receive some interest instead of always paying it. I regret always to find myself so depressed here at home. So many things need my attention and with it all is the feeling that I ought to get to work to make money to meet the constant demands. My fathers feebleness is a great anxiety. He needs so much attention and is so entirely disinclined to try to help himself at all. If he only had the wish to resist this discouraging feeling it would be easier for all of us. I go back to New York tomorrow to meet another set of anxieties with an apprehensive feeling and a dread that there may be greater troubles in store. I wrote to Charlie Osman today about the bark braid and to Mr. Dunlap to tell him that we would get the braid as soon as possible since he is still inclined to go on with it. 

Wednesday Nov. 26. 1884. Mary and I came up from N.Y. today where I have been since Monday 17" in the midst of dirt and confusion having my room changed so as to make a place to sleep. When I left today the carpenters were to finish tonight and when I go back I will begin to settle myself in my new and more limited quarters. The Mr. Wilson who ordered a picture from me for $600 came in yesterday and withdrew the order to my great regret. I have been in a state of the greatest anxiety and alarm almost in view of the obligations I have to meet and have that timid shrinking feeling which I always have when I see the money going out and none coming in. Downing came up by the evening train to spend Thanksgiving. I shall probably not go back until Monday although I feel I ought to be there and getting settled. Pinchot came to my studio yesterday and invited me to dine with him and Eastman and Collins on Friday at the Union League but I was obliged to decline. I feel so unlike work that I am greatly troubled by it but when I get my room in order I hope I will feel like painting. But I seem to get no impressions because my mind is filled with the most sordid and wearing anxieties. I had a letter from Alice. They too are very troubled - and one from Miss Nesmith telling me her sister Mrs. Anderson is to leave N.Y. and that she will not be there this winter and I think, feels somewhat adrift. My father seems about as he did when I saw him last but an atmosphere of sadness seems to pervade this house which I cannot get rid of. I know so well that everything would seem brighter if I only were producing and selling my work, but the business outlook is most gloomy and I fear this winter is to be most trying to me. 

Thursday 27" Thanksgiving day.
Downing and I took a walk out to the Roatina, crossing over to the Flatbush road and home through Ludlums woods. It was raw and chilly with a feeling of snow in the air, in fact a little snow has fallen 

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