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with them for there must be some final home where all sorrow ends. I went home today. There is very good sleighing up there and Tom met me with the sleigh. After my father retired I told Sade my plan for taking pupils. She thought it an excellent idea and we discussed it late into the evening.

Sunday January 25" 1885, I wrote a letter of condolence to Mrs. Jervis. It was a mild gray day and as my father had not been out since the cold weather we arranged to go for a ride after dinner. I assisted him at his bath and he dined with us. I took the two horses driving myself and my father, Sade, and Girard's four children went out on the Flat bush road crossing over through the woods and back to the Red-House. We had a charming ride and felt something of the old satisfaction in our winter rides with my mother and dear Gertrude to enjoy them with us. After we came home I told my father my plan of taking pupils and he was pleased with it. Poor man. I can see he wonders how I am getting along and detects at once the least depression in me. After he retired Sade and I sat in the sitting room and each wrote to Lucy, she of home affairs and I about my plans. Then we talked of the lonely days we often now pass she at home and I in my studio and she showed me a little  selection which she took from the Whittier calendar a few days ago "I long for household voices gone
For vanished smiles I long
But God hath led my dear ones on
And He can do no wrong"
We talked until late of our dear ones gone, of how my mother used to ask her to read the quotation each morning on the Bryant calendar, how Maurice used to repeat the tender words of Whittier showing that he had a very tender place in his heart which used to seem so hard and cruel to us sometimes, and so trying in vain to give utterance to the aching regrets we both so often feel. We each went to our rooms, happily able to forget them for a time in sound sleep. 

Monday 26" It was colder this morning. I came away in the 8 o clock train. Sade drove me up to the station. Poor Sade. I wish I could be with her for we both need each others companionship now. Miller Dewitt sat in the seat with me. He has grave doubts about an overruling Providence or rather that it cares for us as individuals. I told him we were the subjects of Law and we suffered for our ignorance or defiance of them. That I fully believed in immortality but that no one could prove it and that it was best not to torture ones self with doubts but to do our duty and trust in the Wisdom which displayed itself to us every moment of our lives. I always come back here with a dreadful feeling of depression. The only evidence of any one having been here was a gas bill. My money is nearly gone and I am at my wits end to know what to do. I have been at work on my Winter twilight in the mountains. I made some observations of the snow effects at twilight in the Highlands Saturday when I went home and I think I have improved the picture. I feel quite cheerful at home thinking of my plans for the summer but a wave of sadness and discouragement sweeps over me here in this remorseless city where I reflect how utterly helpless I am and how my good name is in peril for the lack of a little money. 

Tuesday 27. Have worked on my winter. Brown brought in a lady and gentleman from Minneapolis who seem to be looking for pictures. He asked 

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