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162.

it carefully and got through with it successfully, although each year it gets to be more and more of a dread to me. I also got a new faucet for the cider house and spent a good part of the day draining off the cider with a syphon, but after all my trouble I had to put it back again as the barrel leaked. I shall not bother with cider another year. I mean to cut off all the worries I can. My father I think improves a little but he is very feeble and helpless and besides he is much depressed. Calvert and I came away in the 7.15 train but it was behind time and did not leave until nearly 8. We went to the Century about 11 and had a Welch-rarebit, most imprudently. We left poor Sade with a headache and I feel sad to come away. This morning I have a headache which I richly deserve. I wanted to work today but it is impossible. I always suffer from any such imprudence. I found a letter here from Mr. Steven declining my offer to let him have my picture for $200 paying me $100 now and the balance a year from now and in a round-a-bout way offering me $130 for the picture. Heaven knows I want $130 badly enough but my professional pride revolts at this humiliation and I decline it. The weather has been steadily cold ever since a week ago last night and is still very cold. I found here a box from Charlie containing 304 yards of birch bark braid all of it seemingly very nice except one lot of 80 yards which was not quite up to the standard apparently. I have sent it to Mr. Dunlap. Have sat in my chair most of the day feeling very miserable. I did paint a while on my picture but I might better have let it alone. After dinner I felt better. Mary came down from Rondout. In the evening went up to Julia Dillons to her "Faust" reading with commentary by Mr. Snyder. He seems to find a great deal in it which never occurred to me. 

Wednesday Feb. 25" 1885. It was snowing furiously when I went over to breakfast and continued until 10 o clock. Nearly a foot of snow fell I should say. I went to Dr. Browns at 9 but he did not come until nearly 10 and I remained until 11. I feel better bodily today but mentally I am in great trouble and feel greatly discouraged. I had a letter from Weir in which he tells me of being with Booth and that Booth said he hoped I was not estranged from him. It was most awkward for me while Booth was here last time. He said in a letter before he came he hoped to see a great deal of me and we never met at all. I could not go to see him and he was too busy I presume to come to see me and now I fear he thinks I am indifferent, and that is the way it goes. One can not even be sure of ones old and trusted friendships. I have written to Booth today telling him how this expression of his has troubled me and assuring him of my unwavering loyalty to our mutual friendship. While it seems perilous as well as unnecessary to be making explanations I felt that I could not allow him to even think it possible for me to be indifferent to him. Mrs. Monnell dined at Marys and spent the evening. It is always pleasant to meet her. I escorted her home and came to my room.

Thursday 26". The weather is still wintery but not extremely cold. Alfred Booth called on me. he has grown very grey and at first I did not know him. A note from Miss Nesmith. Mrs. Anderson has asked me there to a family dinner this evening. I have written to Mary Gifford and to Sara. Mary wrote Sara yesterday. Young Calvin Tomkins, Walters son called on me yesterday to see if the box of braid reached me. I am not painting now my picture not being in a condition to work upon. Mrs. Monnell and Mrs. Stuart called. Dined at 

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