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Saturday March 7" 1885. Snowing. Downing was down last evening and was here at breakfast. Walking back to my room from breakfast a sudden remembrance of dear Gertrude swept across me. Her graceful bearing, her beautiful figure and the charm of her presence seemed to come to me afresh. I often wonder what it is which brings these things so vividly to us in unexpected places and at unexpected times. Went home by 4 o'clock train. This evening was the monthly meeting of the Century but I did not care to be there. Sent my picture "Christmas Eve." Tom met me at the station with the sleigh although the sleighing about the town is nearly gone. It had snowed only a little as in N.Y. 
 
Sunday 8" My father seems to be gaining slowly and is able to help himself more, but is very sober and sad. I think he is troubled about me and my struggles to get on. He says but little about it I can see that if I had some cheerful news to impart it would make him feel better. It was wintry cold today. Girard drove out to Mr. Burkans with the sleigh and team. He said it was bitterly cold doing out. Sara and Marion went to Kingston one day last week when the sleigh upset and the horse (Toby) ran about the streets and nearly demolished the little cutter which belonged to Maurice and which I had put in order this last fall. But I am thankful no one was hurt. I have felt so sad and strange today, as I have so often felt before, that we are on the eve of trouble and disaster. I see plainly it is all owing to my not being able to sell my pictures, and so troubling about the money to carry on the place. I think of dear Gertrude here wherever I turn I never enter my room that I do not mentally utter her blessed name and sigh for her with a never ending pain at my heart. Sometimes I wish we could sell out every thing and go away from here. Perhaps the change would keep me from many sad and trying memories. Sara and I talk and talk over our affairs but can see no other thing to do but to go on as we are going on doing the best we can, well knowing how any plans we may make are liable to be entirely frustrated. Thinking of my dear Mother and Gertrude, they seem to me blest, at rest an freed from the sorrows that we who are left must bear, and sadly as I think of them how could I will them back to struggle and sigh as we do. My poor Mother knew what it was and I trust and believe she has found that peace this life could not give. 
Monday 9" Very cold last night. The mercury must have been down to zero for it was only 3 above at 7.30. Tom has made a hot bed but has not planted it yet, luckily. I came away in the noon train but did not get to my room until nearly 5. I had not fairly got there before Miss McCoy came and staid more than an hour. I was cold and tired and jaded but I was kind to her for I feel sorry for her. Poor girl! She brought me a few flowers. I found here three tickets from Bram Stoker to see Irving in Eugene Adam this evening and Mary, Marion and I went. It was one of those plays I do not like but he and Miss Terry acquitted themselves admirably. There was a large, fashionable and enthusiastic audience. I saw Stoker as we went in and thanked him for the tickets. 
 Tuesday 10" Very cold and windy, the most disagreeable of weather. Finished my twilight picture. Fuller came in and staid a long time He wants to sell Warren one of my pictures and to get my wood interior for himself if he can arrange it. He does not hesitate to let me know how much he likes my pictures. I feel encouraged to hope I will sell him something. I do not hear from the Boston man who bought my little picture. I am afraid he is disappointed in it. One generally has more trouble with the people who wants ones pictures cheap   

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---------- Reopened for Editing 2023-04-27 17:07:28