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the death in San Francisco of Mrs. Jackson (Helen Hunt) of cancer of the stomach. We met her in Rome and the last time I saw her I dined with her and the Bachelders in New York the year Mrs. Bachelder died, and so they go one by one the friends and acquaintances of the days when life was full of companionship and before I knew much of sorrow. I often think now that I have literally no close companionship outside our own family and that when I go away for my sketching as I must by and bye, I must go alone. Whittredge and I ought to be more companionable than we are, but I am forced sadly to acknowledge to myself that we are no longer happy in each others companionship in our sketching. I suppose this is inevitable. He is full of his family cares and we are growing older, but it seems to me that I can release myself from personal cares easier than he can and that he is not as content with me as I am with him. I dread being alone in the secluded places where I find it necessary to go and the sense of loneliness and lack of companionship severely interferes with my happiness when I go away from home on my sketching trips. I suppose I ought to cultivate younger people, but they do not fill the place of life long friendships.

Sunday Aug. 16" 1885. Still the North wind and the October air Last night I was really chilly and slept under two blankets and drew on my silk coverlid before morning. Have been oppressed with a melancholy feeling all day and have thought of my dear Gertrude and missed her as I shall never cease to miss her to the end of my life. Have only read the Sunday papers and a little in Taines "Italie" John, Nannie and Gertrude came up this evening and John and I talked about going trout fishing up at the head of the Rondout at Hills mill. He cannot get away just now and I do not want to go before I hear from some of my clients, but I began to have a longing to be at work as I ought to be, I think of the mountain brooks but dread the loneliness if I have to go with no companion. There seems little for me to do at home now and I grow restless when I am not definitely at work.

Monday 17" Still a most comfortable temperature although the wind has changed to the South. Went down town after breakfast and drove out to McVeys having heard he wanted to buy a cow and I want to sell one of ours. Of course he didn't want her. No one ever wants any thing we have to sell. After dinner my father, Mary, Sara and I with little Dwight drove to Kingston and then out on the Flat=bush road and around by Dr. Shradys and Livingstons house. Little Katy St[[?]] came just as we started and Sara had her remain here and she took tea with us. She is 16 years old and is quite pretty and womanly. After tea I set out two rows of strawberry plants from the three plants I got last year in connection with Mrs Tomkins. I am sorry to find myself troubled and anxious, I hardly know why but there seems a sense of trouble in the air. I must resist it for there is really no reason for it. While I was at work setting out the strawberry plants a telegram came from Weir asking if I could meet Louise tomorrow at Rhinebeck and put her on the train for Kaaterskill. It occurs to me now when it is too late that I ought to have replied.

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