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Saturday Aug. 28" 1886. Awoke early, with a depressed feeling against which I struggled with some success, but there were moments when I seemed almost phrensied. The sun came up in the brazen sky like a ball of fire and this has been one of the very hottest days. Notwithstanding I went over to my studio and painted on a little picture which I began some time ago. This afternoon I painted on a water color I laid aside several years ago. My only salvation now is to get interested in painting, There is nothing else to look to. I am in a real wretched condition, unstable and savage and entirely discouraged. I am ashamed of myself and try hard to fight against this depression. A little success would make a new man of me, for all my trouble comes from the anticipation of disaster. - A telegram comes from Sara from Utica today saying she had missed the train and would not arrive here until 7:30. Lucy and I drove up for her. She had had a tidious [[tedious]] day waiting in Utica and a hot ride home. It is almost breathless this evening - just the weather I like least, and to me the most depressing.
[[left margin]] Very hot and stifling. [[/left margin]]

Sunday 29." Some sense of repose today and I have enjoyed our all being together, Lucy and her family, Mary, Calvert and Sara. I wonder what disturbing and desponding element will come in tommorows experience. I wrote to Alice. It has been very hot and the leaves are falling from the Elm in front of the house and lie in the road almost as thick as in Autumn. The Steamer Daniel Drew burned at the Point today and tonight there is a large fire to the north and apparently about a mile away, at first suggesting the Alms House.
[[left margin]] Continued heat with cool evening [[/left margin]]

Monday 30" When I awoke early this morning my first thought was as usual of affairs. I made up my mind that having more advantageous times to propose to Coykendall regarding our place, I would go to him and talk with him and if possible effect a sale. I talked with Calvert about it and he thought it a wise thing to do and did not see what harm could come from it. I worked all forenoon packing Marys Jellies, Cherry Bounce &c and went out on the roof and cleaned the leaves out of the gutters. The morning was grey and raw and we had a hard shower or two. I dressed before dinner and directly after went down to see Sam. It was not an easy thing to do but I had my plans all thought out and braced myself for the work. I went to his office to learn he was not in and would not be back until tomorrow. I went and had my hair cut and came home. Meanwhile we had another hard shower while I was down town. I think I will go and see Sam tomorrow and try to find out if there is any possibility of making a sale on any terms. Calvert went back to town today with the 5:30 train. I packed a box of Bartlett pears to send to Janette but they did not go today.
[[left margin]] Rain. Warm. Cooler towards evening. [[/left margin]]

Tuesday 31" It has rained gently a part of the day and been grey and foggy all day. Mary went home for the season in the 11.30 train Jamie took her and her trunks up. We all regretted her leaving for she is always a happy influence wherever she is. I took her boxes of jelly &c down to the Baldwin in the rain. I did not go to see Sam today as it was rainy and I did not want to appear too eager. I have been reading over my diary of 1876 & 7. I was never more depressed and despondent and never more troubled over our affairs and yet I made a larger income in 1877 than I ever did before or since. But I was two years younger then. Still it gave me a more hopeful feeling and I have felt better for the retrospect. We are thinking of going to High Falls tomorrow, Andrews, Lucy Sara and I.

Transcription Notes:
3 [[?]]s, as of 5/8 1 remaining, 5/11 ---------- Reopened for Editing 2023-05-12 14:43:02 .