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into Hollands room today where Mr. Furlong introduced me to a Miss Hanna and they came to my room with me. She seemed a bright but gushing young woman and as Holland afterward told me is from Kentucky. I called on Julia and Miss Tuckerman this evening. Went to the Academy for a short time this morning. I see the pictures of such men as Insley sold and wonder and am all astray as to what people really like. Was at the club where there are generally several of the artists

Saturday Apl. 9" 1887. Warm and spring like. I walked up to Rocks to try on my spring suit and took occasion to go in to Reichards gallery to see a few of Geo. Fullers pictures on Exhibition there, among them "Anthusa" and "Nydia", very curious in execution but of an agreeable tone, a little bordering on affectation I thought. Have painted all day on my winter and I think improved it. Mrs. Col. Church called with Miss Poe daughter of an army officer. Downing came in also. I have felt discouraged and a little gloomy today. Miss Teal called and brought her picture which I promised to touch up a little. Went to the Century this evening to hear Huntington read his paper on Durand which was very interesting and pervaded by a commendable regard for the talent and sincerity of the venerable painter. I met Eastman and could not help treating him with coldness. He noticed it and I did not talk with him afterward. I am sorry to have differences with old friends, for I have not too many, but I think I have been disrespectfully treated and he at least might have prevented it.

Monday 11" Went home yesterday morning, a lovely day with a beautiful atmosphere over the landscape. The river was charming and I saw some stray bits of ice floating in it as far down as Marlboro. Tom met me. The road was dusty and the sunshine too warm for my winter clothing. Sara, Janette and Emily were sitting out on the porch and the doors were open. Janette they told me has not been so well the past week. I saw my father, but although I noticed no particular change he struck me as very old and feeble. Jamie Andrews was there too, came up Thursday to spend his Easter holiday. I went over and looked at the work on Chester St. which has progressed satisfactorily, but so many things will have to be attended to now as the spring comes on that I had a melancholy feeling of discouragement and helplessness. Money is needed every where and as usual at this time I have none and very little prospect of getting any. I feel the hopeful sense which has kept me up all month, is going and apprehension and anxiety take its place. I seem to have dropped out of the public sight as an artist and if I were to die tomorrow I feel I should not be missed. I went over to the club and had some supper after I returned this evening and afterwards looked over he Art Review. The whole tone of it seemed most discouraging. What I am in sympathy with is treated as obsolete and useless and feeling that this echoes the prevailing taste it depresses me. Then too remembering how I have been treated in the Academy by my dearest friend, it seems to emphasize the idea that I have grown to be superfluous. I feel my circle of friends narrowing and a growing inability to interest them and to attach them to me. Another long summer of anxieties and overwhelming responsibilities stares me in the face and almost paralyzes me.

Tuesday 12. I wrote to Selstadt and asked him to send a check for my picture. People seem to think it makes no difference to artists how long they have to wait for their money. Cold and disagreeable Wrote a note to Sara