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421 Sunday July 17" 1887. Very warm and close. I wrote to Mr. Sawyer and T.W. Wood and to Mrs. Anderson, Mrs. Nesmiths sister. I do not feel very well today, more shaky it seems to me. I do wish I could go up into the Maine woods. I think a great deal of it and feel it would do me great good. Have been very nervous all afternoon. Rachel I am ashamed to say worries me and troubles me. I would not have her know it for anything for she is very sensitive. Monday 18" Still very hot. Went over to my house and trying to get into my outside studio broke the lock and had to put a new one on which in my condition was a great task. I got hot and excited. A letter came from Booth. He is going away in Benedicts yacht with Barret, Hutton, Aldrich and Bispham for 3 weeks. I have written him today asking him to send me before he goes $1500 and $1500 Oct 1. He told me he would assist me as I wished and I thought this would relieve me greatly and would be all the same to him. But oh! for the day when I shall be done with all these expedients. I cut this notice of the death of Mrs. Baker from the Tribune yesterday. I hardly look into a paper that I do not see the death of some friend. [[left margin]] Planted last corn [[/left margin]] [[newspaper clipping]] DIED. BAKER-At Noroton, Conn., July 16. Catherine J., widow of George A. Baker. Funeral services at Trinity Chapel, Monday, July 18, at 2:30 p.m. [[/newspaper clipping]] Tuesday 19" A very comfortable day. I had a letter from Mr. Sawyer asking me some questions about my father for whom he is going to write a notice in the Leader. He spoke very tenderly of him and of the loneliness we must feel here now that he is gone. I also had a letter from Downing. He thinks the Maine Woods too far but hopes we can go somewhere else nearer to home. He wants to go with me and I hoped we might go up there together for I know he would enjoy it greatly. Sara, Rachel (Mrs. Belden) Jamie Andrews and I went up to Glasco on the little boat on the 345 train and did not get back until 7. I thought I felt better a little this evening. I went over to my studio yesterday and looked over my colors &c to see what I would need if I should go away. I think very much of the Maine woods and am convinced that would be the best place for me to go as I would be in the fresh open air all the time, night as well as day and would not be obliged to walk if I did not feel able. Wednesday 20 Every morning now when I awake I think of my father with a regret that I did not know how to entertain and instruct him more in his confinement. I did try to but I supposed his feeble condition made it difficult to be entertained. I am glad to know how much confidence he placed in me and that he felt his interests were first in my mind. I trust he is with my mother and Gussie and Maurice and Gertrude and if all our dreams of a hereafter are not a cheat I can dimly realize the bliss of that little circle in the new and happier atmosphere. I have written to Downing and to Royal Reed my old guide to see if he can go into the woods with me if I want to go. It has been a very comfortable day but a long and and dull one for me. I went downtown at noon and rode back in the streetcar. Sara and I have talked a great deal about our loved ones who are gone. Rachel (Mrs. Belden) who still stays having gone over to Port Ewen. Jamie Andrews went down to West Point to come up on the Powell this evening with Mary and Marion. [[left margin]] Sick [[/left margin]] Thursday 21 Mary & Marion came last night but Jamie did not and we dont know where he is. I had a postal card from Whittredge this morning wanting to know Seagers address up Dry Brook. He wants to go there and take his family. I slept very little last night and am utterly miserable today, nervous and depressed to the last degree. It has
