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444  The Royal AMERICAN MAGAZINE,

and Ireland, for there (according to the best information I could get) I thought he reigned most triumphant, but that I found would be both expensive and dangerou [[dangerous]], then I thought to furnish myself with the histories of his reign in Europe, but that mode was not sufficient to satisfy my desire, thus I was disappointed in my schemes, and had almost dispaired [[despaired]] of seeing the person and court of this new monarch, which it was said was shortly to give laws to my country, but at last I was favoured with the long wished for view, which was in the following manner.

One evening as I was sitting by my fire by myself I fell into a sleep, and instantly I found myself in a strange land, and in a plain and easy road I travelled some miles till at last I arrived at a lofty palace, over the gate of which was wrote these words, This is the Palace of Tyranny, it appeared very beautiful on the outside and I was very desirous to see the inside, so I ventured to knock at the gate, which was soon opened, and I was conducted in by a tall slim man whose face was fashioned like a breaking up hoe, whom I soon found to be one of my countrymen who hadsworn allegiance to this manarch [[monarch]], I no sooner entered the palace but I found it to be the most ill constructed building that my eyes had ever seen, the foundation had been laid an hundred times over, and had been tore up as often,though there was some remains of each foundation to be seen, the first was of straw, the second was sand, the third was wood, the forth was brick, the fifth was stone, the sixth was lead, and so 

on, the roof was open, the frame was so loose that every gust of wind racked it like an old barn just ready to fall,  I asked my guide why the roof was open, why, said he, it was covered with iron and we have been forced to tear it off to make chains for the Americans, by this time we had arrived at the throne which was made of iron on which Tyranny sat crowned with a leaden crown, but I am sure that no American ever saw such a monster before, his countenance was black and horrid, his eyes were a dark yellow like a snakes, his ears were like asses, his nose like a swine's snout, his mouth like a Dragons, his teeth are covered with black rust, and his lips besmeared with clotted gore, his arms and fingers were long, and his nails like a wild cats; his body is deformed in every part, his legs are crooked, and under his feet was all the petitions of injured innocence, on his right hand stood ambition, and on his left stood flattery, his attendants were cruelty, oppression, and lunacy; his counsellors were avarice and deceit, and his prime minister was hypocrisy, his courtiers were wrath, malice, envy, hatred, injustice, intemperance, drunkenness, lewdness and lying.

There stood murder, stained with blood of innocence, discord walked up and down setting men together by the ears, fury ran raving round the palace; in this palace was halters, wrecks and tortures, here was outrage and rapine with seditions and conspiracies, and every thing that was evil; and while I stood amazed at the horridness of the place, I beheld an honest farmer come in

For DECEMBER, 1774.  445

in there with a gold watch in his pocket, which avarice no sooner saw, but he whispers to Tyranny, saying, surely that watch would better become some of your courtiers than it does that farmer, the sun will keep time for him well enough, go take it says Tyranny, so away Avarice runs to the farmer and demands the watch, no says the farmer it is mine, you villain, said Avarice, it is his Majesty's, he has no right to it without my consent said the farmer, thou traitor, cries Tyranny, I have a right to take the estates of any or all my subjects, and to dispose of both their estates and lives as I please, so they took the farmers watch from him and without so much as the form of a trial hanged him for a traitor, I then asked my guide if that was the mode of government in that realm, he replied that it was, and said he it is an excellent form of government, and our sovereign is the best and wisest of Kings, his courtiers never ask any thing of him but he grants it, and he has troops enough to keep the rebellious farmers in subjection, and if they will not pay their money freely he will take it by force and hang them for wickedly resisting to own his omnipotence, and I hope shortly, confirmed he, to see this fine form of government established in America, and then those rebels shall pay dear for refusing to pay their money and maintain gentlemen, placemen and pensioners, for there is no stone left unturned to accomplish this, nor is there any that our grand master, the devil, can suggest to us but we will endeavour to execute it. Just at these words I awaked and found it was a dream.

G. M.

For the Royal American Magazine.
To JACK DILEMMA.

I READ over in Magazine, No. XI, for November, your pitious tail [[tale]], and from the characters you draw of Lucinda and Clarissa, I form this judgment: Lucinda will make a loving, pleasant companion, and with a female sweetness sooth [[soothe]] you amidst the cares of life, and will be to the wheels of time, like oil to the wheels of a chariot, which makes it run easy and smooth: on the other hand, Clarissa I trust will make a troublesome peace of houshold-stuff, if things do not turn just according to her mind, you will hear such a din of noise, that when you are out of the house, and have presence of mind enough for contemplation, 

you will perhaps, think your case similar to what the historian says of Ireland,that the agitation of sea and grating of the ice in stormy weather, make such a pitious moan somewhat similar to the groaning of the human race in misery, that the inhabitants would fane persuade him to believe, that it was the abode of the damned, after they had been in the burning mountain in the neighbourhood for a season -- So Jack, I leave you to your choice, (or by your epistle) it seems you can have which you please; take which you like and abide by the consequence.
ARITOBULUS.
For

Transcription Notes:
Britain and Ireland dangerous ---------- Reopened for Editing 2023-05-10 19:08:09 ---------- Reopened for Editing 2023-05-11 11:55:39 ---------- Reopened for Editing 2023-05-11 18:46:11 ---------- Reopened for Editing 2023-05-12 14:39:32