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1861 Oct 15 Tues

this trip.  To keep it in enduring form I will here make record, briefly, some of the matters canvassed over by Capt. B. & myself in our little Aft Cabin just before I started.  I will preface by saying that during all the morning preceeding my departure, I noticed that Capt. B. was pent up in thought - in deep, painful anxieties.  He said but little, but I knew too well what was revolving in his mind.  I was on the point several times of approaching him, soliciting:  Why he was thus troubled?  But my heart failed me.  The desperate mask before me over matched the struggling thoughts that anon would have me speak to my friend that he might confidingly tell me what I could do to assuage the grief that I see he was attempting to keep from all observation.  But my heart also knew too well [[underlined]] what I could do to check that grief. [[/underlined]]  My desire to return to the loved field of my late operations - in continuing my Work there - was too much of the [[underlined]] mountain [[/underlined]] character to be subdued - even at the pleadings of a most valued friend.  Thus much I say preparatory to the record of of the 'canvassed matters' between Capt. B. & myself.

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1861 Oct 15 Tues.

During the morning Capt. B. asked me what word I had to leave with him anticipating that I might not be back in time - or at the time agreed upon?  He wanted to know if he should send a boat after me? adding that he felt anxious to do anything I might suggest.
I had matured the matter in my own mind therefore, I said to Capt. B.:  If after starting I lose one or two days by bad weather before making passage through Lupton Channel, then I shall turn back;  but having made said passage & weather proving favorable, I shall hasten on to point of destination.  Having reached that & stormy weather succeeding - & continuing, leaving no hope of being able to return by same route in time to reach the vessel by the time set for her departure (to wit, 20th day of Oct.) then I & my crew to make as soon as possible direct for the Bay making up nearest to Rescue Bay (to wit, the