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Unknown
R. L. Parker
25/MAR/1966
Aunt Frank...
She's one of my favorite uncle's...wife.
A devout hypochondriac...she's been completely immunized against good health.
She could bankrupt the Medic-Care Program.
She had so many complaints last summer she kept her four doctors in Florida...all winter.
One time she decided she had arthritis...in her hair.  It was a wig.
So naturally, she had most of her teeth pulled out of her upper plate.
Another time her nose was paralyzed...she had to talk through her mouth.
She's allergic to air...now this creates a small problem if you plan to breath.
Her disorders caused nervousness, nausea, vomiting and fainting spells... that's her doctor.
He can't stand sickness.
She's a chronic complainer...figures "Every little bitch helps."  Her doctor won't go see her anymore...he just sends a bill...once a month.  One month he missed sending her a bill... she had a relapse.
She wrote her autobiography...its a medical textbook.
When Aunt Frank says she couldn't feel worse she really hasn't tried.
Sometimes she gets to feeling so bad her husband has to have a shot.  In no time he's drunk.
You should see him... he's the perfect picture of health-failure.
Everytime I go see her she gets out their photo album...of x-rays.
The've got one group picture.
Some of Aunt Frank's closest friends are dying...over and over.  There's only a few who haven't died before.
She had to be first... first to go...and come back.
She has a neighborhood club... for the handy sick pack.
They make up the local A.A....Always Ailing.
Each member is dedicated to helping all members feels worse
At their regular club meetings they study good health habits... so they can avoid 'em.
At their luncheons they serve pills.
Her group is writing a book titled, "Symptoms That Can't Be Described...Well."
It's a sequel to their earlier book, "Unknown Pains."
One time I asked if her friends ever get well.  She said, "Some do on weekends."
I said, "Why weekends?"
She said, "They can't afford to be sick 7 days a week."