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Unknown
Phyllis Gag
SEP/1964
This is Phyllis Diller here, and I just want to chat with you a moment - about something near and dear to my heart - Paint!  I don't know how you feel about painting, but I feel terrible.  I hate to think of moving all the furniture so the last time I painted the living room, I didn't move anything.  I just painted the furniture - I painted everything.  I just painted it right where it stood.  It was supposed to dry in twenty minutes.  It did. Except for the piano, the couch, and my brother-in-law!  The last time he left the living room it was a major disaster - he was thrown clear - by an earthquake. 

I'll tell you the truth, since I discovered Minnesota paints I feel a little better about tearing up the house for a purpose. 

They have these marvelous chic things for women now, Color Studio - it's really guidance for wayward women - it make painting glamorous!  Even though you stand on an orange crate and do it yourself, you still feel like you'd paid an expensive decorator.  Incidentally, about standing on an orange crate - do not put snake bite poultices on bruises - wring them out and drink them. 

I kind of dig the cute names Minnesota paints give their rich creative colors.  Things like Minn-Flow - get it - Minnesota Minn flow - cute, huh! Minn-aqua.  This is a fabulous exterior paint thinned with gin.  It has a linseed oil and latex base.  Same thing they use to make girdles.  I know one house that is held together by nothing but two coats of Minn-aqua. 

I don't know how many bowling alleys you have in your house - but Minnesota Paints makes a fantastic varnish - it gets diamond bright and marble hard - in 12 hours, or was it 24 - I forget what the man said: and it is something else - you've heard that old expression - a hog on ice - try a couple of hogs on Minnesota varnish - you'll see!

This varnish, made from an old witch doctor's recipe - is also great for roller skating rinks and boats.  So why not varnish the bottom of your boat and skate on it. (laff) Chicken! 

Minnesota Paints are sold at your local dealer - I am not speaking of your local card shark - your local paint dealer - silly! How easy can it get - and these fine quality Minnesota paints are sold in 40 of the 50 states - so if you live in one of the ten underprivileged states where Minnesota paints - are not sold - MOVE!