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FOUNDATIONS
Jules E. Tasca
05/SEP/1969
Fang has stretched all the elastic out of all his shorts.  So before he puts them on, he rubs them together.  Then they stick on by static electricity.  If he takes them off too fast, his hair stands up.... and the lights dim.

Sometimes when Fang walks around in his shorts, he attracts metal objects.  When he sits next to the radio, we get blips from Mariner 7.  And do they spark!  Our launderer had to go out and buy a welder's mask.  Our laundry comes back marked "high voltage."

For the Fourth of July, we dragged his underwear across the lawn.  Boy, was he mad.  He was in one pair.  Anyway, he has one real old pair of flannel pajamas that are so full of static electricity, they make lightning.  One day he got into bed too fast, and we had an electrical storm....  Cut down a tree right outside our window.  The electric company sent two men with tongs to take them away.  They dropped them over the Atlantic.... where they electrocuted a school of bonita and sunk a Russian fishing trawler.