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[[strikethrough]] SATURDAY, JANUARY 18, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
18th Day  348 Days to come

Dec 4

I am too tired to write more than a page tonight - & will describe my trip to Hinteris [[Hinteriss]] with H & all the Gemsbocks & Hirsch & Fox we saw - & the exciting trip back - one day soon at length. It has snowed two meters in St Chr. & plenty in Anton so every one is lit up by it. Today Mariele described H's interest in her in such detail that I am convinced he is in love with her now. I am so so glad for them both, for they are very rare people. I would never dream of telling a soul here how much I like him - not even Alice, except in a few years perhaps, but I got a curious mixture of joy for A & M & sadness for myself when I heard that. I don't feel the slightest wave of jealousy - but only a quiet resigned pleasure in feeling it is just as it should be. But why do I seem to watch life go by & never participate in it? The only people I could really love [[strikethrough]] have [[/strikethrough]] & marry have been A, S, & H, & [[Harb?]] if I knew him better, & Louis S. perhaps - & all are impossible - two being married, & one a peasant, & one I don't know because he has never looked me up again.

[[strikethrough]] SUNDAY, JANUARY 19, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
19th Day   2nd Sunday after Epiphany  Robert E. Leeā€”Born 1807  347 Days to come

Dec 7th

I just got a letter from Henry, which combined with H & Mariele, made me quite unhappy. He wrote that he was astonished at Florence Voorhees' work & that "the irony of it is, that seeing her work, my reaction was: as good as Lilian, younger than Lilian in years, a strong competitor, an enemy. It made me realize what a tough time I am going to have getting you out of my mind." Well at first I felt desolately inadequate & hopeless about myself in my admiration of her, & ashamed of being such a bad sport about competition. Then when I thought it over I didn't mind at all, because good lord what does an artist compete with [[strikethrough]] another for [[/strikethrough]] except [[strikethrough]] with [[/strikethrough]] nature & honesty & himself? One of the nicest things about being an artist is the very fact that each artist works along his own line, regardless of any other artists, because no real artists are alike, so there is no one goal that they are all working towards. Each one sets his own separate goal, & he competes with himself alone, unless money & fame are his real aims.

Transcription Notes:
Gems bocks & Hirsch: Chamois bucks and deer.