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[[strikethrough]] SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 29, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
60th Day    306 Days to come

Feb. 6th

I am all alone with the town dancing & rejoicing outside tonight - Hanni with all the gents, & me quite friendless & uninvited. Alice has been pouring out her troubles again, & I felt so helpless as a listener, & so full of stifled troubles myself that it only made things worse, though I [[strikethrough]] know [[/strikethrough]] can't compare my slight troubles to hers. My main trouble is that I have been a big failure this winter, both as a skiier and as a social success, & have longed to go home ever since a month ago, & now I still have to stay on another month in order not to be a bad sport. I must try my best to get on the F.I.S. team, & yet if I did succeed I would be mortified. The whole mistake was in getting myself in for something which is not my meat. Skiing & guides & this life all seem sour & faded to me now, which is a shame, as compared to the glamorous years I've had here of steady progressing up until now. I loathe competition & mass treatment, & there hasn't been anyone worth making

[[strikethrough]] SUNDAY, MARCH 1, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
61st Day  1st Sunday in Lent  305 Days to come

cont

an effort about to my mind since Kenneth left St Anton. I am one of the worst skiers & the most unpopular on the team now, though I started out on top, & though it is a good experience for me to take such an emotional & mental & physical beating, it has gotten me down terribly at such a long stretch. Even Alice doesn't register that I'm with her half the time.

Hanni gets terribly on my nerves - in the same room - she bores me so & talks so loudly & is so aggressive & such a go getting climber in skiing & social ways, & she succeeds with so little subtlety that I can't understand it. I am not jealous, because she is not attractive or pretty or subtle enough to [[strikethrough]] use [[/strikethrough]] cause that, but she is too much the noisy team pet & the downhill fighter to be ignored, especially since she is rooming with me now. 

As for Garmisch - it is [[strikethrough]] fascinating, [[/strikethrough]] a three ring circus & I only [[strikethrough]] wish [[/strikethrough]] long to have some nice beau to take me around town, as all the others have. There are flags & crowds everywhere, & lovely eating & drinking