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[[strikethrough]] WEDNESDAY, MARCH 18, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
78th Day   288 days to come

2 a.m. Feb 28

Well - at least K & I have both confessed to each other our mutual fascination. I went there to his flat to dine with him at 8 - & we stayed there the whole evening till now - 1:30 a.m. In a way I'm sorry it happened so quickly (3 weeks of acquaintance only!), but [[strikethrough]] it [[/strikethrough]] thank God it happened at all, & since I am sailing so soon we both unconsciously keep feeling that we should make hay while the sun shines. He said he had left St Anton wondering how much he cared, & that he had though a great deal about me on the trip going home, & then when I came to London he was sure he cared. He said my fascination is one which he has never known before - & it seems to consist of something that puts him at ease completely, [[strikethrough]] which he has never known in a girl [[/strikethrough]] & of something indefinable (!) He apparently has never known other girls well before, & wishes he had. He said he was surprised to find that I cared for him when I came to London, but he knew by the say I acted. He hasn't told John anything, though John has tried to find things out, & always refers to me as "the Swann girl" or "Lily Swann" as if K hardly knew me. Well I've never before had a 

[[strikethrough]] THURSDAY, MARCH 19, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
79th Day   287 Days to come

cont.

beau who wanted to carry me around the room, & actually did so with ease! He needn't worry about his shy complex with girls - because he treats them as if he had flirted with countless ones. He is the only natural Englishman I've ever met, with the result that he is so easy & cozy & has such attractive & intuitive good taste in his manners that I could spend days playing mentally & physically with him with no thought of sordid bad taste. I only hope & pray that things won't seem flat now that we both confessed - because he is so young that if he is too sure of me he will lose interest, & yet if I ignore him he will think I am only a siren, & now that I have him, have lost interest. It is a difficult situation too with John, who has [[strikethrough]] been [[/strikethrough]] spent so much time & money over me that I feel rotten to think that it hasn't been worth his while. I wonder I wonder - now that what I had so longed for has happened - whether the next [[strikethrough]] stop [[/strikethrough]] times I see him will be as [[strikethrough]] purely fu [[/strikethrough]] exciting & progressive for both of us? He is slow mentally & is lethargic & very sound & intelligent, but I wonder if we could talk for hours discussing ideas - the way Denny & John & Kim & others do with me?