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[[strikethrough]] THURSDAY, MARCH 26, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
86th Day   280 Days to come

Cont.

one who had. The only way of making us both feel sure over this point is to have him play around with girls for the next two years, to prove to himself that they can't compare with me & that he has gotten his playing out of his system. He may find that I don't compare, but I am not afraid because I would be glad [[strikethrough]] glad [[/strikethrough]] to know, [[strikethrough]] & somehow I don't think [[/strikethrough]] at any expense. This is the turning point for him in seeing how much "push" he has. He has more than average I know, because he has been a leader & organizer all through school & college, & he wants power just the way Kim does- [[strikethrough]] but wh [[/strikethrough]] & is very young for his accomplishments so far, but whether he will slowly lie back & forget that he wants to go into politics or agriculture when he has some money - is a big question. 

I am not in favor of careerists, but I am of push & ambition because it is the only road to a rich life. Somehow I've seen myself married to a person much older than me, who [[strikethrough]] hasn't [[/strikethrough]] is already well on the road to success (not as a careerist who pushes himself, but as a leader


[[strikethrough]] FIRDAY, MARCH 27, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
87th Day   279 Days to come

cont

with a perfectionist point of view who loses himself in his job & thereby pushes his job), because I am not the dominating type who could push a husband to success the way Babs does. I could only sympathize & encourage, but never lead him. 

As for John - he has an appalling conciet with girls - & I spent a whole evening telling him he hadn't a hope of marrying me even if he was sure, & that I wouldn't be the wife for him, & the only result was that he said his opinion of me had gone way down [[strikethrough]] & that my refusing him only because [[/strikethrough]] at the thought that I could have changed my opinion of him so quickly after so many years of loyalty. He doesn't seem to be able to distinguish between an unchangeable friendship which I have felt & [[strikethrough]] als [[/strikethrough]] still do feel, & love; [[strikethrough]] & [[/strikethrough]] even when I pointed out that when I was in love with him I was very young, & that since then I have become a better judge of people & can see that we don't understand each other underneath, & that my "change" is not so enormous in [[strikethrough]] the fact [[/strikethrough]] that I never did entertain