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[[strikethrough]] FRIDAY, MAY 29, 1936 [[/strikethrough]] 150th Day 216 Days to come Cont. S.S. Wash. [[strikethrough]] sk [[/strikethrough]] art & skiing & love together this winter - & my poor diary has taken a beating as a result [[strikethrough]] - & my ego [[/strikethrough]] of this [[strikethrough]] orgy of ego [[/strikethrough]] ego orgy! I should have gotten to know Alan Haden, an attractive youth [[strikethrough]] on [[/strikethrough]] in this naval party, but somehow I [[strikethrough]] would [[/strikethrough]] was not in the mood to make the effort, & he is so humourless & serious to be easy, though at any other time I would have made a real effort because he is intelligent & attractive. In fact I should like to model a head of him. He looks a little like Harbison. Thank God I'm beyond the stage of [[strikethrough]] visiting [[/strikethrough]] missing the object of my affection in that desperate romantic way which is acutely painful. The fact that K & I have had it all out prevents this thank heaven, but instead I miss him in a fundamental way: I miss his quiet restful company, & [[strikethrough]] his [[/strikethrough]] I miss him whenever I am hearing something interesting, or seeing someone I like, because I would like to share & compare our reactions to the situation. I miss his simple & clearcut way of thinking & going to the point, & the [[strikethrough]] SATURDAY, MAY 30, 1936 [[/strikethrough]] 151st Day 215 Days to come Cont. S.S. Wash steady balanced feeling I have when I [[strikethrough]] am with [[/strikethrough]] see his sureness & self confidence & ability to decide things because he sees them in proportion. I miss his charming expression & his graceful way of moving & walking, & I miss his [[strikethrough]] own [[/strikethrough]] relaxed gentle manners, & his tact & sympathy. I could go on this way for some time, but what's the use in having written even this much? I should like to spend spring in England with him - warm [[strikethrough]] even [[/strikethrough]] evenings with unseen flowers showing their presence in subtle ways, and the hazy countryside feeling rich with things to come - for what one feels in the English country effects one far more than what one sees, except when the seeing is good which it never is. Allared Weigall asked me about spring in the U.S.A. one day - & I had never thought of when it comes. I suppose it starts early, & then a cold wave comes & squelches any little springly attempts that have [[strikethrough]] been [[/strikethrough]] begun - When it finally comes for good, a heat wave [[strikethrough]] win [[/strikethrough]] soon makes it look shabby
