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[[strikethrough]] SATURDAY, JULY 4, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
186th Day   Independence Day  180 Days to come
cont.

head of Jay. All are of animals & it will be a struggle not to make Jay's portrait into a chimpanzee. 

I am feeling rich at the moment so can pay off all my debts - except [[strikethrough]] to [[/strikethrough]] K [[strikethrough]] whose gifts are unpayable to [[/strikethrough]] - to whom my debts are unpayable. Are there such things as spiritual & happiness debts? [[strikethrough]] How are [[/strikethrough]] I wonder if his material ones are losing or gaining pounds, & [[strikethrough]] do [[/strikethrough]] would that mean they are growing or diminishing? If one loses pounds, & gains debts, how much thinner or fatter does one become? I guess that's what Shylock's heart cutting was all about.

I have had awful insomnia again lately - lying awake till 3 & 4 & having to get up early for work. It is aging me quickly - & I leave a note on Sundays that I will sleep out till 12 - with the result that [[strikethrough]] th [[/strikethrough]] they wake me out of a sound sleep still unselpt-out. [[strikethrough]] I [[/strikethrough]] next Sunday I will leave orders that I will sleep all day -, & then that night


[[strikethrough]] SUNDAY, JULY 5, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
187th Day   4th Sunday after Trinity  179 Days to come
cont

take a drug - or I won't get to sleep [[strikethrough]] tha [[/strikethrough]] then. I took my ivory soap peke to the competition - & Ellen & I were very upset to find that they won't ever return them. We loved our little pieces - & are sick that we didn't even photograph them. The hair on pekes is a major problem with me - but that peke was lovely - such a compact design inside the soap shape - & so peke-like - & what a handsome richly modelled face & eyes he has! But he won't get a prize because of his hair & my technique. one thing upsets me which it is hell to confess. Sarah's & Stirling's love is something I have never known yet. They have known each other much better & longer than K & I in actual time - & I think there is a possibility of an old man & young girl's love being greater than any other combination in the world, & perhaps that is the difference. [[strikethrough]] He [[/strikethrough]] An older man is more experienced & wise & stimulating than any young man can be - & therefore has more to give a girl - & a young