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[[strikethrough]] FRIDAY, AUGUST 7, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
220th Day    146 Days to come

May 21

I have worked 10 hours concentratedly today - ending up with two more lousy attempts to find my drawing solution - lousy because I was too tired to draw well - & lousy because I haven't yet found [[strikethrough]] my [[/strikethrough]] that damn solution. I feel I have [[strikethrough]] mixed it - but I can't seem to [[/strikethrough]] found its ingrediants, but I can't seem to mix them & shake them up to apply as one. I really like my talkative hard boiled little Mongolian model, & become less & less suspicious of her. She worships her husband, & that alone is disarming. I called for my [[strikethrough]] Basly [[/strikethrough]] lying figure, & Basly said people who knew something had liked it when they saw it in his shop - because [[strikethrough]] & that [[/strikethrough]] the forms were so rich. That pleased me, for I fear that is the one thing I lack, & the one thing sculpture consists of!

I see no one these evenings - & K hasn't written for a week, & I dread the dinners I am giving next week. Am too dizzy from work to write more or find my way to bed.  [[strikethrough]] Jayas [[/strikethrough]] Jay's writings are excellent.

[[strikethrough]] SATURDAY, AUGUST 8, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
221st Day    145 Days to come

May 22

I worked 7 hours today - ending up again unable to draw anything, so while Maury Jones was drawing the model I did a careless lion. [[strikethrough]] but [[/strikethrough]] Lo & behold it was in conté [[strikethrough]] cra [[/strikethrough]] - & I somehow felt I got the dash & rough form & values I want for wild animals [[strikethrough]] out of my [[/strikethrough]] done from my head. Careful line drawings are out of the question until I know everything about them, & this is a painting technique which may turn out a solution. I don't know yet, & will have to experiment some more - lots more! I [[strikethrough]] started fi [[/strikethrough]] This a.m. I finished my lady, [[strikethrough]] & [[/strikethrough]] this p.m. [[strikethrough]] I [[/strikethrough]] my man, & [[strikethrough]] as [[/strikethrough]] from 3:30 till 6 I started my head of Jay with him posing beautifully. It looks like him - & so help me God that it will [[strikethrough]] look [[/strikethrough]] grow more more like him instead of less & less. He was most attractive & entertaining though I [[strikethrough]] couldnt [[/strikethrough]] was continually torn between sacrificing him or the head. He is much cooler toward me now, having found I am not intellectual - but I find him quite remarkable. Kim took me to a bar tonight - & just left after more talk till 12:30. It was so swell to see him again - because I am lonely, & so fond of him - & so interested & sad about the whole business. If only I had fallen flat for him! Still no letter from K.

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