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[[strikethrough]] THURSDAY, AUGUST 13, 1936 [[/strikethrough]] 226th Day 140 Days to come May 26th I am so hot & bothered about so many things tonight that I shan't dwell here for long. In class Warneke was taken aback by my head of the model because he thought it so full of personality & ease in my technique, & bigness of forms. - & lo & behold I didn't loose that bigness when I started to finish it! But that was soon eclipsed by his liking my head of Jay, & promptly modelling on it without ever having seen Jay! He only helped in pulling it together at first but when he started changing the mouth & eyes to his conventional face that he always does I butted in - so all was well though he was annoyed. He announced that Florence has won a medal in a big exhibition - & I was so full of admiration & hopelessness at hearing that I couldn't model any more. She can't model half as well as me, & yet she has so much to show, & I have nothing. God damn it, I'm going to do a conception of my own as a witness next week, or die of discouragement. I almost wonder [[strikethrough]] FRIDAY, AUGUST 14, 1936 [[/strikethrough]] 227th Day 139 Days to come cont if Warneke didn't work on her thing - & certainly he entered it for her. So much for that in here, but lots of that will lurk in my mind. [[strikethrough]] Tonight [[/strikethrough]] This P.M. I struggled some more with conté lions & got a fuzzy mass of goo for results, & tonight I drew Roselle [[strikethrough]] un [[/strikethrough]] first hopelessly, & later à la Bellows, & that drawing has good things about it but looks like a magazine cover & is all Bellows technique, [[strikethrough]] I th [[/strikethrough]] except for the legs which don't fit on the page! [[strikethrough]] I have lost 3 pounds struggling [[/strikethrough]] - At this point my art is like a psychoanalytic patient who can't speak & is all bottled up with abilities - & until I can say what I feel (though I even know how to do [[strikethrough]] as far as doing [[/strikethrough]] what I see in drawing & modelling forms [[strikethrough]] goes [[/strikethrough]]) in a technical language, I will have to suffer a patient's humiliation - but what doctor can cure me? Stewart & Warneke? Ellen feels sick & looks sad, & I got no letter from K this a.m, so with all this day's woes parading through my mind I called up St. J. to find him out on a party with
Transcription Notes:
George Bellows, painter