Viewing page 151 of 193

This transcription has been completed. Contact us with corrections.

[[strikethrough]] FRIDAY, OCTOBER 16, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
290th Day   U.S. Mint Established 1786   76 Days to come
[[strikethrough]] July [[/strikethrough]] Aug 1st

I am in a tizzy whizzy of mixed feelings - having visited Jay for 3 days in Norfolk - & returned rather thankfully to the fold which I chose to be Henry's house - where the Kraus's were staying. I dined & wined there - with children scrambling all over me, & Kraus being more touching & interesting than ever. I showed them Jay's head for criticism, & I think they were amazed that it was so good, & I can't help writing this. They gave excellent advice which is easy & superficial to take, & I feel very happy about it in spite of feeling discouraged in Norfolk. Jay says it is good, but with a condescending air, & his aunt seemed pleased, though not pleased enough. [[strikethrough]] It is He [[/strikethrough]] Both Henry & Krauss were most sympathetic & interested - looking at it for a long time. Henry is [[strikethrough]] [?] [[strikethrough]] in love with me beyond all measure - & I think as he is older - perhaps more than anyone has loved me. When he spoke of our next date I said it disturbed me from work to go out often, & that I am here for work, & he said that is what 


[[strikethrough]] SATURDAY, OCTOBER 17, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
291st Day    74 Days to come
cont

I will always have to cope with being a girl, & that though Florence & I have more talent than any men he knows of our age, we will always be torn away by having children & marrying, & that is what makes [[strikethrough]] too real [[/strikethrough]] super accomplishments impossible for women. I still hope to combine the two, but that is why it matters so much whom I marry. I got a long & devoted letter from Kenneth - & all this is not conciet, but explains my tizzy-wizzy of mixed & upset[[strikethrough]]ting[[/strikethrough]] state of mind. 

Jay intensifies it by having told me the first night there that he loves me. "Its good & its good" he said - its love & [[strikethrough]] its [[/strikethrough]] the right person - & then later when [[strikethrough]] we [[/strikethrough]] he posed I felt that I couldn't concentrate & still keep [[strikethrough]] him [[/strikethrough]] his attention, with the result that I sacrificed both. Never again will I model a beautiful young man! We spent a very special evening in the boat house - lighting a fire after swimming in the moonlight - & I must confess I [[strikethrough]] loved [[/strikethrough]] adored him. That should have been the last night though. I felt everything slipping after