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[[strikethrough]] SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
306th Day  21st Sunday after Trinity   60 Days to come
cont

is that politeness is her strongest weapon - & she brandishes it from morn till night - in order to keep people at a safe distance. I am always surprised that I am still one of those people - & even my name is still Miss Swann despite the fact that she is very fond of me, & that I have helped her by giving her duties to perform & think about (without any social obligation). [[strikethrough]] She has been helped me consciously & [[/strikethrough]] I have helped consciously, & she has been helped unconsciously - yet now it seems to me time to feel a glow of personal sincerety in her conversation. Instead I simply feel that she resents the unattractiveness of illness - dirty sheets, bed pans etc etc - & I [[strikethrough]] don't [[/strikethrough]] really like her for being such a lady, but you'd rather have material things eclipsed by my improvement in health & by talking to me for diversion. Today I woke with my fever gone up again, after it had practically gone last night. Of course the nurse says I did too much yesterday - such as read, write, see Jessie W for a minute, & later see Henry when he dropped


[[strikethrough]] MONDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
307th Day   All Souls Day  59 Days to come
Cont.

in like a fresh breath of air. His ruddy smile & rough sweetness would flush the cheeks of any sickroom. Well the reason why I am worse today is from lack of sleep - due to the nurse. First of all she snores so [[strikethrough]] that I went make [[/strikethrough]] loud that I had to cough to wake her up, & that started me coughing for the night. Finally when I got to sleep at dawn - she woke me at 7 - because there was so much to do before breakfast! Well honestly - to hell with everything - breakfast, medecines, washings - sleep is the one thing I need, & I can only get it when she's out of the room - so I've got to plot to get rid of her today. I've tried sending her home only for the nights - but in vain. She is sweet, & excellent for the day - but God I can't stand this. I think I must be more conscious of human presence than most people are. No matter who they are - if there is someone in the room I can't forget them. I keep watching & analyzing them - & reacting to them in every way continually. I have been reading the Life of "Antony" by his father the Earl of Lytton - born in 1903 - & died in 1933 in spite of a most promising future. I shall write more