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[[strikethrough]] WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 1936 [[strikethrough]]
330th Day  36 Days to come

- & I reached out anxiously for the mail on my breakfast tray - to find a fat one from Jay. I have looked for that impatiently each day - & at last here was a [[strikethrough]] series of morning picture [[/strikethrough]] landslide of lantern slides - Mexico - 8 post cards of animals - snow - [[strikethrough]] people [[/strikethrough]] Mexicans - sculpture - [[strikethrough]] all [[/strikethrough]] written all over on the backs by Jay. He bought them & wrote them through my eyes & to my heart - for they were all about animals - & about how he misses me & longs to see me on his return in 4 days ending with "all my love is all for you." He says he hopes I won't have changed my mind about liking him - but Jay - I [[strikethrough]] am truly infatuated with [[/strikethrough]] have lost my heart to you! [[strikethrough]] but & [[/strikethrough]] I don't want to seriously though because you are so young & will change, [[strikethrough]] whereas [[/strikethrough]] & I must look before I jump at my age, & you wouldn't like me as much if I didn't. [[strikethrough]] either [[/strikethrough]] We will have to continue to play a game. - & hope it [[strikethrough]] works out [[/strikethrough]] ends as gracefully as it began - which means I hope it always lasts to a large extent. 

Kim phoned [[strikethrough]] to say [[/strikethrough]] as to whether the weather will get better enough to 


[[strikethrough]] THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 1936 [[strikethrough]]
331st Day  Thanksgiving  35 Days to come
cont

'permit me voyage' to Cape Cod in [[strikethrough]] his [[/strikethrough]] Garry's aireoplane.

It is 1 Am but I must just add in [[strikethrough]] some [[/strikethrough]] the rest of today. Kim & Johnny came out for dinner - K & I played tennis - & Dickie Delano appeared. I wish I had seen him alone to [[strikethrough]] catch [[/strikethrough]] hear his news-. He interests me, & this was most inadequate for talking about his & my work. He is wondering whether there will be a war, in which case he can't return to the Beaux Arts - but if there won't be he says he wants me to help him on a well paid job over there - & that he would pay me well. I would go abroad for a job, but only for a job! Tonight K & I talked till Johnny returned - & when we said goodnight again he said he still loves me but refuses to push & get in the bad state of last fall. I told him I still didn't know - but damn it how I loathe myself for encouraging him. I have no morals these days - my [[strikethrough]] only [[/strikethrough]] two requirements are first that I like someone extremely - which [[strikethrough]] tries to [[/strikethrough]] is usually necessary for them to like me because otherwise I make no effort to be attractive - & consequently am extremely unattractive - being funny looking in face & figure to start with!