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DESERT RAT SCRAP BOOK PAGE 2 -------------------------------------------------- [[left column]] Smallest newspaper in the world and the only 5 page one. HARRY OLIVER'S DESERT RAT Scrap Book Packet 1 of Pouch 4 This paper is not entered as second class mail. It's a first class newspaper. [[image of cannon]] Published at Fort Oliver 1000 PALMS, CALIFORNIA Four Times a Year ON THE NEWS STANDS 10c A COPY But sometimes they don't have them. ONE YEAR BY MAIL—FOUR COPIES, 50c Darned if I'm going to the trouble of mailing it for nothing. 10 Years ............ $5.00 100 Years ...........$50.00 Something to think about! [[image of rat]] Asbestos editions will be forwarded in case you don't make it. Published by HARRY OLIVER Fort Commander Publisher Distributor Lamp Lighter Editor Artist Gardener Janitor Owner [[image of rat]] A paper that grows on you as you turn each page . . . excepting page 5 Pictures are by the author, many of them are woodcuts. I did all but the spelling. Not a one of these names or places is COINCIDENTAL. THIS IS IT! It isn't how long you live—but HOW. —The Wilkinson's of Cactus Springs, Nevada THE MAIL [[image of rat]] And then there was the rancher's widow over Bowie way. When he died she collected $50,000 in insurance. Upon being presented with the check she sighed: "Oh, dear, I'd give $10,000 to have him back." From F. A. McKINNEY'S Brewery Gulch Gazette BISBEE, ARIZONA [[middle column]] [ EDITORIAL ] BUFFALO CHIPS One of my four Grand-Kids asks me the other day why my Old Black Stetson wasn't pretty like Hop-a-long's—and when I says, "Cuz I been burning too many Buffalo Chips, I guess." The kid didn't savvy—nor did its Ma—so I guess I better tell about Buffalo Chips. Buffalo Chips, dried Buffalo droppings, a popular fuel in the early days on the plains, where wood was scarce. It was hard to get a fire started with them, but when dry, this "prairie coal" made a hot one. However, it soon burned out and required replenishing. It also made as much bulk in ashes as there was in fuel, and the ashes had to be carried out, as often as the fuel was put in the stove. In cold weather it was claimed that the constant exercise of carrying in fuel and carrying out ashes was what kept the fire-tender warm. Many of the old-time cooks in the early days had nothing else to cook with, and although this fuel gave off a peculiar odor when burning, it did not affect the food. When Buffalo Chips were damp, it was hard to make a fire with them, and a certain old range cook told me that in one season he "wore out three hats tryin' to get the damned things to burn." Today cows are making a pretty good imitation "Prairie Coal" here in the desert— under the trade name of COW CHIPS. . . . "What makes me a Desert sage?" some ask. "Well I just got started sagen' and been sagen' ever since." . . . If you fold this paper again, long ways, it makes it just right for killing cockroaches or vinegaroons. . . . The facts in this paper are not hackneyed and moth-eaten facts but you will find them different from most facts now in common use. . . . Every man has all the common sense he wants, because if he wanted more he'd get more. . . . To the borrower of this paper— If, as you read these words, you are careful to remember who's paper it is, and make it a habit to read each packet, you can save yourself 50c a year. I hope some day you may read it right after pay day. . . . I do not ask the public to do anything that I was not willing to do myself—. I have read this paper from start to finish—and so did the proof reader. (I hope) PITY THE POOR INDIAN [[image of Native American]] Twelve thousand persons are paid by the government to administer the affairs of 393,000 Indians —one federal employee to every 32 Indians. Cost of government can be reduced! Government can be made more efficient! Remind Congress you want the Hoover Commission's recommendations put into effect — and no fooling! Mail your Congressman a copy of this paper —These lines are by me the DISTRIBUTOR—H. O. [[right column]] SAY IT BIG Story of the week...It was a long, lazy summer afternoon...and two Indians...one on each side of a wide valley...had struck up a conversation...using smoke signals...This went on for quite a while...and one of the Indians, growing bored with the thing, dozed off to sleep...An atomic explosion out in the middle of the valley...awakened him with a start...Grazing awestruck at the huge mushroom of smoke...rising into the air...the Indian shook his head admiringly...and murmured..."I wish I'd say that"! -Banning Live Wire You may of heard or read it - but I am reprinting it so's you that keep your back copies will have it. 9/10th's of my readers keep back copies. Coyotin' round the rim Mark Twain's habit of swearing was revolting to his wife, who tried her best to cure him of it. One day, while shaving, he cut himself. He recited his entire vocabulary and when he was finished, his wife repeated every word he had said. Mark Twain stunned her by saying calmly: "You have the words, Dear, but you don't know the tune." MY DOG IS NOT A GOOD MAN-TRAINER WE KNOW MAN AND DOG HAVE LIVED TOGETHER TWO THOUSAND YEARS. MY DOG WISKERS KNOWS 25 OR 30 WORDS I SPEAK - BUT WHEN HE SPEAKS TO ME I MUST WATCH HIS TAIL HIS EARS, HIS EYES AND THEN GUESS WHAT HE'S SAYING. Animals are smart- HORSES NEVER BET ON PEOPLE As long as you laugh at your troubles you may be sure that you will never run out of something to laugh at. I've seen too many successful men. I think I would rather be a failure. Says Gordon Stuart RENO: Where the cream of the crop goes through the separator! Old Timer, Cabot Yerxa Tells One. Years ago "B. A." (before-autos) a city man rented my desert homestead cabin to take a rest. A desert-rat and a team of burros delivered him from the Railroad together with food and water enough for 40 days. But within a week, he was back in the big city. Because, as he said, "There is just too much of NOTHING down on your desert." [[image of desert with ruins]]
